Shane Shennan’s Neighborhood

So here I am again after two months of nothing and two posts to my name...so I decided.. it is time to be more VULNERABLE! I need to take stock and share what I have been learning to encourage others, enhance my learning and perhaps add to it. I am on the road to recovery from my life-long food addiction and nothing has stressed me out more or added to the battle as relationships namingly- friendships.
So the latest topic that has been on my heart is the concept of "Friendship" What is "True" friendship? What does it take to be a friend? Can I be a good friend? What started me on this quest was the blatant experience I had from an email that accused me of being " the worst friend ever" I have questioned my relationships or the lack there of to decide if this accusation was true? My discoveries and further experiences over the last year has given me the answer of a resounding "YES" and still a confident.... ahem ...."NO".
Brilliant! you might say, you have gotten nowhere! Not all is "Black and White" when it come to Friendship's or people so let me share with you my revelations-or learnings... You might find them intriguing and it may even help you avoid some accusations or troubled waters in your relationships. So here I go...from what I stumbled upon in my journey.....Friendship- the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly reflection. To be continued....

I posted once, then I dissapeared. Now I post again.

Where was I? My one night of clarity was followed by a long period of being lost. I had no idea where I wanted to be. I had feelings that night that I enjoyed and was slapped by the harsh reality that I'm not happy with my life where it is right now.

I feel that clarity returning to me again... My mind has begun working, and I've started with what once was my passion, programming.

I gave it up for a long while, my skills evaporated, but picking it up again I find them quickly returning.

I know it's what I'm meant to do. The means to that end are still unclear to me. This time I won't give up.

This time I also won't give up writing here. I know that all of the things I think are not best left unsaid. I'll try and see where I end up.

I approach this without the huge sense of optimism I had in my last post. Rather now I have a sense of purpose, a goal, and a desire to reach it.

ADDI-C-TION
What is it that has me so scared..is it because I am out of money, out of time and out of steam. ADDICTION. I keep running and get tired stop and turn back to  ADDICTION The day is sunny, bright, I feel loved I feel alright I feel hopeful, I feel maybe everything is going to be.. but there is a knock at the door ADDICTION I am standing looking down feeling like I am going to fall down to where I cannot see so I grab onto ADDICTION I thought I was caught I thought I would be safe but I feel more pain more guilt more shame why did I do that again ADDICTION I need help I cannot do this on my own yet I forgot about my friends I have no friends where did they go why did they leave me all alone or did I leave them for ADDICTION Love is strong, my love does not  let go his eyes are weary and ominous what is coming ADDICTION food shove it down tv avoid don't feel the pain numb more more more don't stop becuase I can't keep up with the ADDICTION tick tick tick tick tock..................... time to STOP

 ADDITION is negative all there is or is there still a twinkle of ADDITION just for today maybe one day at a time tears flow the serenity I seek ADDITION no more hiding I will face the pain ADDITION write talk speak join community reach out be vulnerable be honest ADDITION One step just one step ADDITION love hope faith only things that will be an ADDITION my journey is not futile I have a purpose I will make an impact by just being an ADDITION C ME

Hey again,

Check out the last post for the context of this one.

If I keep the blog I mentioned, I'll hopefully be adding all my good vox friends to the links on the new one. I've added a a few of you already.

www.agmuir.wordpress.com

check it out!

Hey Vox friends,

As many of you know, I've been slightly frusterated in the lack of commenting abilities here at Vox.

Vox told me years ago they were working on public commenting, I assume now that it isn't happening.

I'm toying with the idea of making my new one at Wordpress. Wordpress allows people who are not signed up with that particular blog to still comment, as long as they have an email!    Correction: Email is not even necessary. 

I've copied over one post from here to www.agmuir.wordpress.com to play with designs and layouts.

Check it out AND COMMENT! (Because you can)

-Adam

So where am I going to live in my future? Where are Patti and I going to live?

Do I feel called to live somewhere? Does Patti?

I have never felt any real specific calling in this. I want to see where I may be called in the future, i.e. for job.

I am so happy for Brandon's church plant in the Church of the Falls and

Pastor Alan's church plant in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I have family there. Maybe he might reach them lol.

God will decide what the dice come up on where I will live.

I posed  and arranged these pictures in  Garry's Mod, using the  Team Fortress 2 environment. The scout is sitting on rockets fired from the sentry (a little hard to see).

Sorry friends and guests, Vox doesn't let you comment.

So here I am. Attempting my first visible, vulnerable attempt at blogging! I have tried to blog in the past, got the site, talked about it, thought about it..but always came up short. No wait I think I wrote about what I was going to write about, read what other people wrote....funny but I never actually wrote my own blog. Yet here I am today.
 As much as I am  trying to not get stuck in the past - but rather I am pursuing the future I still need to bring in the past to remind me and reflect on how I got here, so I will claim my victories (successes, wisdom, joys) and prevent my obstacles/guilt/failures from being relived.
5 months ago I had reached my bottom. I was headed on a speeding train right for depression  "grand central" I felt out of control, and my health reflected it in every way. I have always struggled with my weight, it defined me for many years. Until one pivotal day I realized that I chose that perception and started a journey of discovering- why did I believe this? I came to realize it  ( Weight/food) was my vice, my way of coping with life, the perpetual unhappiness I had with everything! This negativity and dissatisfactions manifested through eating to comfort myself, I realized my weight was a symptom of a disease- and Addiction. I was addicted to food...I am still dealing with this reality day -by day- but the key for me was- to stop running and face why I needed to eat. In October 2007 I officially stopped running and recognized my life was truly unmanageable and it was time for change.So I started looking at all areas of my life and realized what areas were toxic and what was positive, and I focused on the positive things and cut the negative out of my life. I quit my job, left relationships that were not positive, starting building a support system,  focused my time on healthy pursuits and dared to ask myself; "what do I really want out of life?"
I started to dream again and I did what every addict fears, I gave up my drug of choice- food. I went to a Bariatric Specialist that provided me with tools to help me break my bad relationship with food and lose wait with Nutritional Supplements that provide me perfect nutrition in a shake. It was daunting the first month, DETOX means exactly that- it ain't pretty. After a month of "Perfection".... (I mean not one bite of anything!) I felt accomplished, and deserving of a nibble, which turned into " I deserve this 4 course French meal- because I am on vacation in Quebec - (which let me tell you tasted fabulous)...bit by bit I started eating again...and as stresses mounted in my life yet again...I started eating more and more. Yet this time I knew what I was doing...I knew I was headed for a bad place. Everything in me was screaming "not again" I thought I had gained some ground and was cured from my addiction???  Where is the balance??
Then I heard a quiet, soothing voice tell me in a way only my heart could hear " Jana you need to change your thinking and set you mind to it, let it go and start again- you can do it I BELIEVE YOU CAN Be Healthy and I LOVE YOU!" The words came gently and lovingly from my husband who is one of few people who can look into my eyes and actually see me. I did not argue, I did not try to defend myself. I listened. I started to change my thinking. There is such thing as second chances, this is my life, and I will not give up. I am loved and worth loving in every way. So here I am blogging...Here I am!!!!

	College Closed due to inclement weather

Summary: All classes and services are cancelled for Feb. 1

Start: 2008-02-01

End: 2008-02-02

Last Modified: 2008-02-01

Author: Wales,Michael

This gave me a chance to catch up on sleep, reading a series and my Bible and talk with Patti and a bunch of my college friends - Megan, Bobby, Ashleigh, Jenn, Amber, Kristin etc...

Hey team,

Here's what I'm thinking for our "Guest Commenting, Please" group.

When the group reaches a good size, I have a few humorous petitions in the making that (hopefully) every member can take & copy to their blog; creating simultaneous blasts in the voxosphere with a unanimous message.

The group is still growing. Let's see how many more we can recruit!

Mention it to your vox friends & post to the group! 

-Adam

p.s. I'm coining the term voxosphere ;)

http://weloveguests.groups.vox.com/